What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 02:50
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why do almost all the girls on Quora look beautiful?
I write beautiful poetry .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
What are some tips for balancing chores, work, and family life as an adult with children?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I will be 64.
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You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
How do you go about getting invited to an orgy?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Are female judges more lenient than male ones?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
This is soul school!.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Can bosses get fired for being too hard on employees?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
How do I find a luxury service apartment in Gurgaon?
Ive learnt so much.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Why do some straight men like to suck dick but don't find other males attractive?
Who then, do I blame.?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She loved him until the end.
How much should one budget to travel for 1 month generally?
When she asked me how she looked .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I said to her
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I don,t even have a pension.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She found it foreign!.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was scared of men, in general
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Comes on , in middle age.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I have no regrets .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Put me off passion for life!!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But ive been too sick for many years..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
All the time i was locked up.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I think the readers, may guess!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
What did i know ?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He resisted the act ,that day.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Why did i forgive my father ?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I waited trembling.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
One cannot live in the past .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She married twice! .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My family never makes their pension either.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Was to survive, this bastard.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As i do to all so called friends.?
My life is so biszare .
(And it was in our own minds.)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was 9 years of age.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was very sick at this time too.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
So, i spoilt her more .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But it wasn’t much.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She wouldn,t have been !
Would this be the day?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was seconnd youngest,
But, we were locked up after school.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Im still living with it.
It was going to be , some day.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We all went to grammer schools
So whats the point in blame.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And i lived it daily.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She was in good health!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We were not on the streets..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He knew the spot.